


Let Me Be the Reason You Smile

by Somethingtodowithlife



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Jyn has a very bad day, a smidge of angst, but it's ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 16:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9770762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethingtodowithlife/pseuds/Somethingtodowithlife
Summary: Jyn has returned from her first failed solo mission with the rebels. Her fear of the possible consequences is a storm threatening to tear her apart. Cassian does all he can to silence her fears and remind her that she has a home.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vaultfox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaultfox/gifts).



> This was written for the 2017 Rebelcaptain secret valentine gift exchange. This was orchestrated by therebelcaptainnetwork over on tumblr. Happy Valentine's day vaultfox! Enjoy!  
> prompt: Let me be the reason you smile.

Jyn held her right arm as close to her body as she could. She was positive her shoulder was out of its socket. She was also positive that putting it back was going to hurt like kriff . What was supposed to be her first solo mission since joining the rebels had turned into a nightmare that she was terrified to acknowledge.

The hangar was empty except for a handful of pilots, K2SO, and herself. K2 had been the only one to accompany her on her mission. Jyn had done everything she could in trying to convince Mon Mothma that she didn’t need the help while K2 argued that he only did missions with Cassian. They had both lost in the end.

Jyn grudgingly admitted to herself that she was glad that the droid had come along; if he hadn’t there’s no telling what condition she would be in right now. The droid exited the ship she just left and looked at her with an emotionless stare.

“I didn’t want to be a part of this mission but I’m glad I could be of some assistance. I would get that looked at if I was you,” K2 pointed at her arm. 

“Oh I don’t know, I’m thinking of leaving it like this,” She quipped.

“Your attempt at humor is lost on me Jyn Erso, perhaps you should save it for those who would be more appreciative of your efforts. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m needed elsewhere.”  
The droid retreated out of the hangar and most likely went in search of Cassian.

Jyn let her shoulders sag as much as she could and sighed. She had been so sure that joining the rebels had been the right choice but after a failed mission, her first she reminded herself, she questioned whether or not she was cut out for anything other than surviving. It was a dark and consuming thought that threatened to tear her apart. What was she supposed to do if this didn’t work?

She felt as if she was standing on the edge. Close enough that any outsider would see the connection but not close enough that she felt like she really belonged. It was a feeling that left her unsettled. The thread of comfort and hope that she held on to were a few words spoken months ago.

Welcome Home, the words floated through her head and left behind a warm buzzing feeling that pushed her towards the infirmary.

The soft thoughts soon left her as her mind drifted back to the mission. It felt like someone was twisting a knife in her gut. She wasn’t ready to process it yet, too much had been lost. The general already knew everything she needed to know. As long as that was true she didn’t need to discuss it with anyone, not even herself. 

The med droids whirred to life the second she walked through the door. She gave her name and sat on the first bed she came across. 

“Are you aware that you have a dislocated shoulder?” the droid asked. Jyn only nodded her head, allowing the pain to overwhelm any other thought. 

“Do you consent to treatment?” The droid droned on. She forced a ‘yes’ to pass her lips. “Then please relax, this will be uncomfortable.”

She did as she was told and tried to let her muscles let go of the tension they seemed to always hold. The droid popped her shoulder back into place with no warning and a sickening pop. Uncomfortable was an understatement. She had had her fair share of injuries over the years but the pain of a dislocated limb was one not easily forgotten.

“You will be given medication to take once daily for two standard weeks. After that time it will be decided if you need further treatment, is that understood?” The droid’s head was titled in a way that told her it was used to its patients resisting. She gave her shoulder a cursory roll and almost cried out from the pain.

“Understood,” she muttered.

After collecting her medication, Jyn walked back to her quarters. She could hear the din of the mess as she walked by. It was the time of day that most people chose to eat dinner. She entertained the brief thought of joining them. She wouldn’t find the majority of people she had come to call family; they were all on missions of their own. Despite that fact, she knew she would find Cassian if she entered. That thought alone erased any hunger that had been building in her stomach. She couldn’t face him, not right now.

She stumbled through her door, pushing it closed with her foot. The thought of using the fresher made her feel a little more human, but the bed was calling and who was she to ignore such a demand?

Jyn fell into a dead sleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, the exhaustion of the last few days crashing down around her. 

An incessant knocking on the door woke Jyn up. She removed the blankets covering her head with a groan. As she dragged herself off the bed she thought of the short list of people it could possibly be, then she thought of the even shorter list of people she wouldn’t punch if they woke her up.

She opened the creaking door to see a disgruntled Cassian. She sighed as she realized that the person standing in front of her wouldn’t take kindly to being hit.

“Cassian.” She said, her voice betraying her sleepy state. “What are you doing here?”

“Kay found me,” he paused to eye her shoulder, “and told me that you were injured.” Jyn stood to the side to let Cassian in and shut the door behind him.

“Just a dislocated shoulder. It’s already been fixed.” Jyn rolled her shoulders through the pain to show him that she was fine. 

“That can’t be the only injury you received,” he stated. She hated the knowing tone in his words. She hated it even more that he was right.

“I’ve got some bumps and bruises, nothing serious.” she sat down on her bed and waited for the question she knew he really wanted to ask.

Cassian eyed her cautiously but sat down on the opposite side of the bed nonetheless. They sat in silence, neither of them ready for the storm his words were sure to unleash. Jyn wished they could skip this moment, that he would tell her to get some rest and leave any dignity she had left intact. But Jyn knew Cassian and he wouldn’t let this fester in her like an infected wound.

“How did the mission go?” he asked. With a simple sentence he single handily destroyed any control she thought she had over the situation.

“How do you think? You’ve already talked to K2.” The words came out as a vicious attack before she had time to think. She pushed herself off the bed and stomped across the room, angry at her own outburst.

He wasn’t the one she should be angry at but any thought given to the mission made her chest swell with rage and sorrow. She took the silence as an opportunity to even her breathing, not trusting herself to be the next to speak.

“You and Kay-too were the only ones on that mission, and Kay won’t say a word other than that you were injured.” Cassian followed Jyn to her spot in the corner. “So please, tell me what happened.”

“I failed, that’s all you need to know,” she said.

Cassian let her words linger between them. He knew that whatever happened was bad, bad enough to make Jyn shut down if she was allowed. Getting her to speak would require delicacy. 

“Jyn,” he began. “You need to talk; you can’t let it overwhelm you.”

“I can’t!” she all but yelled. “The mission went sideways and I lost something that can’t be replaced. I’ve ruined so many lives and it’s all I can do to stand upright. I can’t do this right now.”

“You need to talk about it. It’s the only way you’re going to get through this,” he pushed.

“No, Cassian,” Jyn’s voice was ice. 

Cassian knew when to give up. He would let it go for now. He decided that a different tactic would better suit her temperament, “have you been debriefed yet?” he asked. She only shook her head in what could be assumed as a ‘No’.

“ Why?” he said the words as if he were trying to coax a scared animal out of the brush, just loud enough to be heard. He was still surprised when she answered him.

“They informed me that they needed time to think on the matter when Kay-too and I were getting ready to land.” Her voice sounded hollow as if she already knew exactly what they had to think about. 

In truth, Jyn was positive she knew what they would soon be discussing. Jyn had prepared herself for a dismissal as soon as she and K2 boarded the shuttle and typed in the coordinates for the base. She couldn’t even find the will to blame them; she had failed her first mission after all. That didn’t mean she could push back the flood of emotions that carried the thought. 

“When will you speak with them?” she heard Cassian ask. The answer to that question was one that made her veins run cold.

She cleared her throat, forcing her voice to steady, “Tomorrow morning.”

“Try not to worry, Jyn. You can’t win every battle, they know that.” She could tell that he was doing his best to sound comforting. But there was still a nagging voice at the back of her head. If she grabbed on to it she could follow it to the source, fear.

The crashing realization that she could lose this new purpose she stumbled upon, this family that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, was enough to crush the growing calm she had managed to salvage. She had no more room for anger, just a growing sense of despair that ate away at her insides. Despite her own emotions she believed that she deserved whatever punishment was coming her way. There was no excuse for what had happened. 

A sob escaped her lips before she could force it back down. What would she do if they asked her to leave? There was nowhere she could go back to, not with Saw and her father dead. There was no way she could go back to her life before the rebels freed her. She couldn’t keep her head down anymore. 

Countless thoughts and fears swam through her head. She barely registered Cassian’s arms around her, holding her up. When did her legs get so weak? He slowly lowered them to the floor, keeping Jyn wrapped in his arms. 

“Jyn,” he whispered in her hair. “What are you so scared of?”

Would she be able to come up with an excuse? Claim exhaustion? No, she couldn’t talk herself out of this. So she did the one thing that would have killed her less than a year ago. Jyn told the truth.

“I’m terrified that I’m going to lose something that I’ve only just found. I-,” she paused, drawing in her breath. “I can’t lose my purpose again. I can’t lose this messed up family that was thrown together. I can’t lose you.” Jyn felt a new spring of tears well up at the thought of losing him. “I’ve never had this, Cassian and I’m terrified that it will be ripped away because I couldn’t stop what happened.”

Cassian held her, gently rocking back and forth trying to comfort her. When it seemed that the crying had stopped Cassian pulled back. Placing a hand under Jyn’s chin he tilted her head up.

“I can’t pretend to know what they’re going to tell you tomorrow morning but I can promise you one thing. No matter what happens you are not going to lose your home, not again. I don’t know what happened during your mission but I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.” Cassian did his best to hide the crack in his voice, but there was nothing he could hide from Jyn. “You have me for as long as you want me, Jyn Erso.”

She opened her mouth to ask how he could promise such a thing when the galaxy was is such disarray but warm lips on her forehead silenced her thoughts. She tangled her hands in Cassian’s jacket and held on. She was terrified of what had transpired on her mission and what might happen tomorrow, but for now she allowed herself to just be held.

Jyn didn’t know how long they sat like that in silence but it was long enough for the sun to dip behind the horizon. The sound of celebrating and drunk rebels drew the pair back into reality. She jolted in Cassian’s arms but he only tightened his hold on her. 

“You need to sleep,” he murmured.

She nodded her head in agreement. Tomorrow was going to show up whether or not she liked it, she might as well be rested.

Cassian shifted his hold on her so that one arm supported her knees and the other her back. Jyn wrapped her arms around his neck in anticipation of the move. Her grip tightened, balancing out his sleepy steps. She relinquished her hold only when her body met soft pillows and blankets.

“I’ll be fine,” she said.

Cassian bent down and slid off her boots. “I know,” he answered.

She slid under the blankets that kept her warm each night. Cassian stood and turned for the door but she grabbed his wrist before he could leave her side. She could stand to be a little warmer. “Stay.”

He looked between her and the door, the process of thought clear on his face. Whatever he was weighing in his mind was quickly resolved as he joined her. Their limbs clashed together trying to find a balance, but they were soon wrapped in each other’s arms. Warmth and comfort radiating from both of them.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Goodnight, Jyn.” Cassian answered, tucking her head under his chin.

Jyn let go of her guilt and fear, if only for a little while, and fell asleep. 

 

The two found themselves tangled in each other’s arms as the sun rose. The peaceful cadence of sleep interrupted by K2 barging into Jyn’s room to let them know that there had been a change of plans. They were both equally surprised to find that they were both expected at the morning briefing. They were also equally mad at K2 for disturbing their sleep.

Not one to waste time, Jyn ushered K2 and Cassian out of her room so she could get ready. The two left without much fuss and she was alone with her thoughts again. She let her mind drift back to what she had said yesterday. Yes, she was terrified of what she might hear this morning and she wasn’t sure if Cassian’s requested presence was comforting or not, but she wasn’t going to let her fear swallow her. 

She decided to skip breakfast and head straight to the meeting, worried that her stomach wasn’t ready for food quite yet. The walk was brief and she managed to return every smile and nod that she received on her way. They may be forced now, but it won’t always be like that she reminded herself. 

The room was already full when Jyn arrived. She quickly picked out Mon Mothma and Cassian in the forefront. She didn’t recognize most of the faces in the room but that would change with time, she hoped. Mon Mothma smiled when her eyes found Jyn.

“I do believe it’s time to get things underway, do we agree?” The general asked. Answers of consent rippled across the room. “Good. We are here today to discuss the latest mission of Jyn Erso,” she crossed her arms behind her back and began to pace the room.

“As we know, this last mission of Erso’s was a failure.” Jyn winced at the words but kept her eyes focused on the woman in front of her. “Normally in this situation we would be considering whether or not the person in question was fit for duty. However, Jyn’s obvious role and success in stealing the plans for the death star will not be overlooked.” Hope was a palpable thing for Jyn.

“Due to this fact, rogue one will be made an official unit. It’s obvious that these soldiers work best together and their success is in the best interests of the alliance. If we are going to survive we need to take full advantage of our assets. Are there any objections?” These last words felt as if they were directed at her as she held Mon Mothma’s gaze.

The room was silent and Jyn felt like there was air in her lungs again.

“Then it’s settled. Dismissed” Mon Mothma said with a smile.

The occupants of the room left without fanfare, all except two. Jyn couldn’t hide the tears that threatened to spill. Cassian crossed the room, sliding a finger across her cheek when he reached her side.

“See, you’re staying exactly where you belong,” he whispered.

She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. Her body was flooded with relief as she let her next words tumble out.

“Forever,” she said.

“Hmm?” Cassian mumbled, trying to pull back but Jyn held him tight.

“I want you by my side forever,” she explained.

She felt his arms tighten around her. “Then I’ll spend however long that is by your side.” Jyn untangled her hands from behind Cassian’s neck to cup his face in her hands.

“Thank you,” she said. She didn’t give Cassian time to question her words before she closed the distance between them.

His lips were chapped but she couldn’t recall anything feeling softer. Their mouths moved together slowly, still exploring and getting used to this new sensation. It was a promise Jyn realized. A promise that things may not always be okay, that there would be horrible days that would make them want to roll over and give up, but despite all of that they would have a home at the end of the day. She felt herself smile into the kiss at the thought. 

Jyn felt as if she could stand there all day, basking in the fact that this was hers now, without a doubt. But that fact came with another realization. She pulled away slowly to stare at a bright-eyed Cassian.

“We have to comm the others!” she exclaimed. Before Cassian could utter a word she dragged him by the hand out of the room to contact the rest of their patch-quilt family. Neither one of them could stop the laughter bubbling in their throats.

**Author's Note:**

> What is this mysterious mission that's eating away at Jyn? Well, that's a story for another day.  
> This was terribly fun to write. Like a good writer I started working on this a month ago, like a good writer I also scrapped everything I wrote and started anew three days ago. I fell in love with the idea that Jyn would still harbor some fears about losing everything, even after she joined the rebels.  
> You can find me @starlight-down on tumblr.


End file.
